I Find You
by theowlinsomniac
Summary: Alphonse is no longer himself, and neither is the woman he adores. If he could, he'd have her remember all the lives they spent together, all the time they'd had. But he was the only one who remembered, and it would stay that way forever.


The sun was red, as it always was when they first met. Each life they lived there was always a red sun. It screamed at his heart. It tore at his shirt and fell into his arms holding his toes to the ground like an anchor. Was it today? Would he see her?  
It all felt different this time, like she would be different. There was always a change. Her nose would be shorter, her legs taller, maybe freckles would appear across her forehead and pale cheeks. Sometimes her hair would be bleached, and other times it would be dark like the ocean.  
But each and every time, she was beautiful. Her always-brown eyes would linger curiously, her fingers toying with her hair when she was thinking. Sometimes she'd still have her gun on her hip.  
How he loved her hips, her body, the way she moved. Not every instance they met was fair, though. Once, she had been ten years old, and he thirty-two. Their love was different that time. She loved him like her father, and she his daughter. There was one thing that remained in every life. Love. No matter when they met, they felt as if they'd known each other for years. They had. Or maybe only he thought of it that way. Sometimes she'd seem to recognize him, mistake him for a past lover or friend. He would laugh and introduce himself. If he told her their past she'd never believe him. A few times she could have, her curiosity overtaking her soul, but he was too afraid that things would change. That in the next life she'd hate him. In the next life they wouldn't meet.  
But now he tugged at his collared shirt, staring down at the outline of his shoes. He had turned seventeen today. He was grateful that in this life he had a mother to celebrate with. The darkened countryside bored his eyes for the moment, the mysterious hint that the sun cast was distracting him. He waited for his eyes to catch something, someone… And they did.  
At first all he saw was golden hair. Just like the first time. And then he saw the rest of her and melted. She seemed to have been his age, maybe younger. He never knew for sure until he spoke with her, though. He noticed her hair length, cropped quite short but long enough to brush her shoulder blades. He let out a chuckle, seeing her wearing a dress. It came up to her thighs, dark blue. It suited her. He saw her legs, squeezed by cream-colored stocking that rose to her scraped knees. Her feet were dressed in black flats, her toes digging into the sandy earth below the swing-set. She sat, her fingers knotted in the chains and her body rocking back and forth. She hadn't noticed him yet, her eyes trained on the patch of grass in front of her.  
He noted that she was on his family's land, but let the thought roll off his mind. Many people stumbled upon his old swings, and the forest only a mile down the road. He enjoyed watching the people being happy, always hoping that she'd come along one day.  
And she did.  
He made his way down the hill, glancing back to his small, cabin home, as if to make sure it was still there. His eyes flicked to her, quickly though… he feared she may leave before he could talk to her.  
He stumbled down the hill, watching her. She seemed to have heard him, her chin picking up and facing him. He gazed towards her dark eyes, careful to avoid direct eye contact. He threw on a smile, reflecting his actual joy that his waiting was over.  
He slid his hands into his pockets, his stomach fluttering as he neared her. He made sure she didn't move, but he noticed her tightened grip on the swing with her right hand, and the other moving towards her thigh. He almost laughed, amused at her old instincts kicking back in.  
As his feet touched the grainy dirt, and stopped and stood, posture straight and eyes locked on hers. Her eyes left his heart racing in his chest, but he couldn't take his eyes off of her.

"Hello." he spoke softly. Damn… He could never find the right words to say.

She withdrew, drawing her feet back underneath her and opening her lips to speak. "Hello…" her suspicion was growing, but he kept his smile, hoping to convince her that he was okay. He felt sweat permeate through his palms, and carefully he wiped them as they came out of his pockets, throwing one forward towards her, and one crossing the small of his back nervously.

"My name is James," he said. He rather liked this name. He favored the first, though. Alphonse really seemed to describe him quite well.

She reached out, her thin hands grasping his lightly, shaking his once and returning to her side. He could tell by the way she favored her right that she was left-handed. That was a difference.

"I'm Elizabeth." His heart roared in his ears. He quite liked this name. Fate favored it a lot in their time together. Once she had been called Mathilda, and he rather hated it.

"You can call me Al." he said. He bit his lip. He often said this when he wasn't supposed to. But it made a bit of sense, he supposed. His father had named him after himself, James Allonse Larkinson. It was one of the names that he had enjoyed.

"You can call me Liza."

So close. But the taste was familiar on his tongue.

"Pleasure to meet you," he chirped, moving to sit on the swing beside her. He felt her glare on his shoulder as he sat, crossing his arms on his lap.

She gave a nod in response, shy fluttering of her eyes following soon after.

"Do you like it here?" It could be ours one day… "This is my family's property."

"Oh!" she gasped, standing. "I'm sorry I didn't realize—"

He looked up to her, his eyes softening. "No, it's alright. We're used to visitors. Please, sit."

She sat, awkwardly, giving him a confused look. "Alright…" she whispered.

"How old are you, Liza?" the question prodded his mind the moment he saw her.

"I'm sixteen." she responded, avoiding his eyes by looking towards her feet. "And yourself?" she asked.

He smiled, his insides bursting with happiness. Maybe this time things could work out for them.

"Seventeen, today." he announced with a laugh. His eyes glistened as he saw a smile emerge from her face, creasing the outside of her eyes making her that much more beautiful.

"Congratulations," she said, "happy birthday."

He swallowed, "You're quite pretty, Liza." he stuttered, shifting his head to look at her. She was already looking at him, her face blossoming a flustered blush.

"T-thanks.." she mumbled, her fingers meeting each other in her lap. She shrugged it off, her face still red, and gave a mischievous smile. "You aren't so bad yourself, James."

He felt butter flies tickling his stomach, his cheeks growing warm. He stood, a smile across his face. "Why thank you, my dear." He gave a bow, proud of himself as he heard her giggle.

"May I ask you a question, Liza?" he said, slumping back into the swing.

"Sure, Al." she responded with a snicker. Her legs swing back and forth underneath her, reminding him of her nervous habit.

"Since it's my birthday and all," he began shyly, biting his lip before talking again, "I think you should give me a present."

He watched her face turn red, and her whole body tense.

"What kind of present?" she asked, her face irritated. He almost began to laugh, but stopped himself, standing from the chair and stepping over to face her. He saw her take a short breath, her fist clenching as if to prepare for anything unexpected.

"I want us to be friends, Liza." he stated, reaching his hands to her. She placed hers in his daintily, and her soft skin felt like petals against his calloused palms. He pulled her upwards, holding onto her hands and pulling them to his chest.

"S-sure." she said, narrowing her eyes suspiciously. He felt her shiver nervously. it brought a smile to his lips. A thought appeared in his mind, and he decided to act on it.  
He brought their hands behind his hand, forcing her closer, and kissed her hard on the lips. He let his eyes shut, feeling her soften in his grip. After a moment of pure silence, she tensed again, tugging backwards angrily. She pushed him away, rushing back. his eyes flicked open, a laugh coming from his chest, and he watched her fall backwards clumsily into the swing.  
She sat, shocked for a moment, her arms at her sides and her eyes on his. An awkward silence fell on them, and suddenly, she burst into laughter. The kind that brought tears to your eyes and bellowed from the bottom of your chest. It rippled through his body and made him step back in giggles.

"You jerk," she sputtered through laughs, "why did you do that?" The girl shook her head, resting her elbows on her legs and her forehead into her palms.

"You're so beautiful," he blurted, unable to control his thoughts.  
She paused, looking back up to him, the air around them serene and calm.

"You look so familiar…" she breathed. He scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"I get that a lot," he lied. She stood, surprising him. She took the collar of his shirt in her fingers and tugged him forward. He felt shivers run down his back as her nose brushed his.

"Alright, James.. Al… whatever your name is." she whispered, "We can be friends." she tilted her head, letting her lips meet his for a moment, and then turning away, running up the hill and onto the path.  
He stood, starstruck, and listened to the crunching of gravel striking his ears.  
And as he watched her waving figure disappear, he felt relief and pain all at once.  
He hated watching her leave. He never knew if she'd come back again. What hurt him the most was that he never knew what their future would be like. Would she fall for him? Would they get married? Have children?  
Would she be herself?  
Would anything be like the times before?

"Every time," he whispered, sitting back down onto the swing, "I find you…" he looked down at his hands, holding them together on his knees, "And I promise that this time… I'll love you more than the last."


End file.
